yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
