I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
