tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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