No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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