My underwear smells like fireworks.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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