i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I wear drunk well.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
