Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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