But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
