She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
