I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
