The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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