i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
