Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize