I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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