I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
