the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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