I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
