I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
