dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
