just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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