you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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