Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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