when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
you never un-have a 4some
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
