Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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