now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
