Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
