I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
third nipple confirmed
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
