then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Damn victory sex feels great
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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