I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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