i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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