She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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