My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
