And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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