This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...