The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
