I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...