At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.