Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...