pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Canadian or clown?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..