Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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