I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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