Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
