The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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