I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
we should paint friendship bongs
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