The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Randomize
