you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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