I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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