oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Couch. On fire.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
