ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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