i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
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Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
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I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.