I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.