How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!