you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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