Having a random hookup so left but love u
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.