your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
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I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
the liver wants what the liver wants
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that