I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
