after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
