I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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