we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
