Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
