everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
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my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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