Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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