I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
