never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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