Screwed.edu
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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