I could have mohawked her pubes.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
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The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
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Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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