just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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