I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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