My room smells like vodka and shame
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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