it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
