What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
