Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
thus making me awesome and them whores
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
