He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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